Bangkok is the capital of Poland. Thailand is in the same continent as Poland though.
Baloney aka peroni"
Great Wall of Japan
Himalayas are in America x2 (Everest is in North America)
I'm immune to food poisoning.
Do mopeds use fuel then? Buses don’t use petrol stations.
I'm ready for bum raping.
(Eating cookie dough) this tastes like cookie dough??
Tonj what's heavier? A tonne of bricks or a tonne of feathers? It's a tonne of bricks!! Bricks are heavier! The OG.
Why would you take a lawnmower to a petrol station.
Tonj sees a tagged seagull at the petrol station and exclaims that seagull belongs to somebody
(Looking at my reflection in the conservatory) how did Banj get in there!
Tonj where is Fiji? At the top of the mountain I assume
Where is wales?
Terry tarrant
Tanzania aka Tunisia
Louie did a shit but I didn't have any bags so I just picked it up with my bare hands and carried it home. What else could I have done?
Who wants to go to a party? When asked if he'd party at uni
Tom hanks was in ghost busters
*picks up a bra* oops I thought it was a hat. (Equistrian but for a cat)
Where's the sea? Sat next to me in image.
I don't want Italian sits down in a Mexican restaurant and orders spaghetti carbonara.
A bidet aka a bidoof I was washing my feet off in the bidoof (later said it was called a bidette 18/19 years old)
Per sude do nime trying to say pseudonym
Peter bread
Romeo and Julia
Julia caeser
Vichter scale (meaning Richter scale)
Have women got dicks inside them? (Talking about vagina)
Plast tense.
Jack the reaper.
(Talking to the wii) what is your incapability!!!!?
Rugel you do have legs like a plucked turkey
Alcatraz is in New York
What about Romania? That's is in Scandinavia (when talking about Scandinavian countries)
The dogs need a grimp (means groom)
Her bez de provenance
Basketpool
Quin-o-a trying to quinoa
New York is the capital of America
Painting your room a cold colour makes it colder.
Michael angelo instead of Michelangelo
Akill es means Achilles)
Freddie mercury was a solo artist he wasn't in queen.
Hair dew (hair do)
(Dad says beetroot sandwich) arrggh that sounded like shrimp when you said it
David Bowie/Phil Collins wrote dark side of the moon (reconfirmed 21/12/20)
Wales is not a country
Spuck up - means spoke up
Le-Jew-me meaning legume
Why do they call it Waterloo it's not even near the coast
Mount Everest is in the U.K.
Kilimanjaro is in the uk
Nepal is in Africa
Africa is basically Asia
Russia is in Asia
Louve means lose
Baloney aka peroni
Amy Winehouse is she black? Is she dead?
Phillip showfield
Stevie wonder is black???!
Watching the countries favourite Elton john songs is there anything other than Elton john songs on this?
Is Stephen fry gay???
(Listening to can you feel the love tonight) hasn't this song been in a movie?
Danny de Niro
The reverend. Means the revenant
Jizz is good for your facial skin
Is Elton john gay - billie jean king looks like billie jean king they should cast her
There isn't muscle In ya head is there?
Why do we eat dolphin? We don't. Yes we do that's what tunas made out of because some tuna is dolphin free.
Why are wolf spiders called that? Is it because someone thought they were wolves. They’re the only ones that bite
Bummie = brummie = bermie = bermenese
Linj er ree means lingerie
Jihad kebab
Pan-arm-a
Terrance tarrant or is it Noel Edmunds
Usain bolt can run a mile in 1min
Video of a squirrel stealing a crunchie from a newsagent hang on. Why didn't the alarms go off - he thought security systems used barcodes
Jason Pollock
Fradulent means fraudulent
Eric flampton Eric clampton Eric Frumpton Pete flumpton (Mixture of Eric Clapton and peter frampton)
Sarah’s dad is a farmyarder
I put aftershave on before I shower
Milan-ie trying to say Melanie
South wark - trying to say southwark
Frail means Braille
Snow doesn’t come from clouds. Well it’s not frozen rain is it?!
Frab->frad (means frat)
Slash is the lead guitarist for queen.
Mac Fleetwood
The beach boys are Irish
Quentin means Quebec
It is morally wrong to buy one banana off a bunch. They ship the singular ones for that! If you want to break one off ask the staff if you can.
Do salmon lay eggs? Yes Tonj Oh I thought they came from tadpoles
Bullards means bollards
I’d jack off a guy for a tenner.
Elton johns not bald
Kevin Costner was Kevin mcallister in Home alone
When has a film won more than one Oscar?!?!
Why don’t people keep dolphins as pets - people keep sharks as pet you seem them in people’s aquariums
If someone put a baby in front of you and said eat it. You would eat it wouldn’t you?
Trotters are like eggs aren’t they. Vegans can eat trotters (argued truth on 1/02/20). Trotters grow back. My foot would grow back if I cut it off. They are just a little stub it’s not a foot. If you cut your foot off you’d still grow toenails. Teeth grow back if you knock them out. Why don’t humans evolve to have infinite sets of teeth. OCTUPLE DUNCE.
House arrest ankle bracelets electrify you if you go out of bounds (somebody went to a wedding with house arrest tag and as he walked down the aisle the tag went off and electrocute him)
Prison toilets don’t flush because they can use it to escape - double dunce
An egg is dairy and chicken milk
George Picard
Uv bulbs in toilets to see when people jack off.
Pag an - pagan
Re ass ses - means reassess
Anthrax is in apricot seeds - later argued this was fact. Or was it peaches?
Why don’t Africa install AstroTurf? Who likes walking on sand?
Climax tissues means Kleenex
MI5/MI6 are motorways (motorway intercourse or mission impossible)
Syauwer means sewer.
Practicing my snake like movements so I can sneak up on the kids
Stephen fry is dead. he died in 2016
Stephen fry is terry wogan
There is braille on steering wheels (re-confirmed 21/12/20)
Pine leaves, pinecone trees
(Forename written on form) I don’t have four names?!
What new/What do?
Wartz qatch trying to say quartz watch
Does anyone want this minge vase (means Ming)
Bald spatch (means bald patch) - reconfirmed 28/12/20
(Means incest) insect, instinct, incense
Stack shelfer - shelf stacker
Marmite tastes like pussy because it’s got yeast in it
Frogs are bigger than toads
There is no such thing as a blind piano player - Stevie wonder just wears funky glasses.
Falch means vagina
You can see your penis bone on an x-ray
Yousane bolt
A Zebra is the same as a horse
Certificated means sophisticated
Which monarch was born in Buckingham palace? Winston Churchill
Levatican is the city nevatican book of the bible
What’s wrong with misogyny
The bath means the wash(sea)
AIDS isn’t infectious
What smells of orange (dad eating an orange next to him)
Isn’t chevron a make of car
Danny deVito is black
Italians are basically half black (doubled down 20/08/23 well they’re not white are they?!
Teacher took a seven year old to prison
Constoobulary (confirmed 31/07)
(Listening to glass broken) sounds like a wind chimery (place that sells wind chimes)
Plural of moose is meese
Confused a baby elephant for an anteater
I love parrots because they’re the only animal that speak English and you can have a real conversation with. (Confirmed 19/1/22)
Lumbard (said again 27/08/20)
Sir archers (sriracha)
(Looking at covered field) has it snowed?
James dyson is dead (2018)
Thought that no reply on emails said nore-ply
Only English people are white
I invented the tuna melt
I thought sanitary towels were the little towels in hotels
Mr bean invented beans on toast
Is the bit of skin in the middle of your bollocks called the g string
*Man chinos are chinos for men
(Singing golden brown) lays me down with my manchinos
Waterloo find the place if I wanted to. (Singing ABBA)
Cup and eye joe (cotton eyed joe)
A pacemaker replaces your heart
Postcode SE what’s that sleaford
Scrungy means scrunchy
Come mr taliban tally me banana
Belfast is in Scotland
Shlash
You wan - you won
Mick jaggers in Aerosmith
Oceans 11 is a chick flick
Tøp are more famous than the Beatles, Rolling Stones, nirvana and foo fighters
Everyone has different number of wisdom teeth
Is venison a bird
Bill and ted the flowerpot men
Clifftons cards
Time travels very fast. What is the speed of time
Weather travels at the same speed as cars.
Clouds do not go away
Carkeys means khakis (written)
What is Jesus’ first name?
Gary manalo
Do wasps make honey
Is honey bee’s jizz?
Asia is near Africa (preceded by I’m very good at geographicals)
What is a g string (see below entry for further context)
I don’t know where the g string is on the body I’m sorry (speaking sarcastically)
Pinecones come from oak trees
How do thunderbugs travel?
Robins hibernate (later said rabins)
Do blind dogs get guide dogs
Wasn’t Mozart blind?
Dag - the action of a sharp object sticking in a person. My chair leg dag right up my back ‘manda
Juzzle - jigsaw puzzle
Tit bits - tid bits
Colombia - Columbus
Juan dis - jaundice
Enterpies - enterprise
Tenty two
You can see the Statue of Liberty from Alcatraz
Rogel wasn’t abducted by the Yorkshire ripper he was abducted by Peter Sutcliffe
Buses toilets flush onto the road or into the engine
Can I go on the doll - means dole
Imburse - reimburse
Jim bean - jim beam
Coco channel
Naming vegetables that aren’t green PEAS
Brackton means Buxton water
Bon jovi means Bon iver
You haven’t got the brown stripe down yours. - talking about someone elses pants
It is impossible for anyone to tell the difference between butter and I can’t believe it’s not butter
Said suck instead of mouth
Who wrote these songs?
McJagger
Dubai is in India
Einstein was only clever for the olden days
After hours of conversation about getting rid of rats why don’t you just get an exterminator?
Pewmatic drill (pneumatic)
That picture looks like John travolta
Lamb with morals
Hunt you down like a sausage dog
Thought enter sandman was by darude (x2 19/01/22)
Exponential crisis
Worms come from seeds.
Confused Richard Hammond for Richard Attenborough
Benjamin netting yahoo
Sundrys (sundries)
I wish I could suck your dick Baynj
Orders a sausage with Chinese
Doesn’t know his left and right
Needs a calendar to remind him to brush his teeth (age 21)
Mensa stands for mental encouragement
Air conditioners are good for the environment because they cool down the outside
If it doesn’t have ginsters it’s not a petrol station
Thinks he can’t start eating less unless he loses weight
Thinks air freshener sprayed at insects kills them
Socrates was Greek mythology
Bull fody (full body)
Dacks (docks)
Confuses Waitrose and primark
I’m Hispanic aren’t I?
If you pick something up you have to buy it
I don’t want to have kids with a woman I find attractive otherwise i might be attracted to my kids
There are beaches in the middle of the country
Looks at Isle of Wight and thought it was France
There is no difference between a bridge and a tunnel
Called Arabic iraqian
Foil grass means fois grois
Bangladeshi tiger
Swede means suede *
Scottish yard means Scotland Yard
Foil-age
Volvo water
Ganache means Ganesha
In 20 years, no one would have heard of the Beatles
Thought washers (steel) were called driers
Vietnamese swirl
Isn’t vulva water? (Volvic)
Thought the playboy bunnies were called rampant rabbits
Three wheels on a wheelbarrow
Called slash slayer
Aren’t swans legal tender? (Doubled down 02/09/22)
Do alligators have arseholes?
Bus drivers take the buses home. Do they? 14/12/22
Trains don’t go backwards and it confuses people if they do. (Doubled down 02/09/22)
Buses don’t go to depots
You get gunpowder by sifting sand (doubled down 02/09/22, tripled down(s) 08/03/25)
Beethovens 3rd reich
Fingle means finger
Pasoose mean masseuse
Canary Wharf is in wales
Clive Eastwood
Can you put your finger in a snakes arsehole - doubled down 14/12/22
Tarrot cards - doubled down 14/12/22
Drewve (meant drove)
Stephen why means Stephen fry
Bought skeleton keys for every lock on the planet.
Does a snake have a cock?
Does 24/7 mean 24 hours a day?!?
You see that cat born with four legs?!
Thompsons/Thorntons means Johnson & Johnson
The angel of the north is in Brazil
John Hughes the acid bath murderer
SherBERT
HerBERT
Funeral directory
Why is Jimmy pages name not led
Ub40/wd40
Mike Tyson bit Mohammad Ali
Stretch Armstrong (means lance Armstrong thought he was a track athlete)
Juggalo (jiggalo)
Terracotta Army is in Europe
Hotels charge you for electricity
Baron Bigdog/baron big dough/ baron bidgod
What does the u mean for mouse
Lamb with morals
If we lop lizards tails world hunger is solved
Farange oanta
Cows smell like tight skin?
Did you see that table with legs.
Compote meant compost
Is a penguin a bird (well it’s not a reptile)
Sher (shurr) means Cher
The loove (leuve)
Give en chi (givenchy)
(Me and add talking about turkey teeth) do turkeys have teeth
Your anus tells you that state of matter in your rectum
Ball barian (means ballbearing)
Duck par fois means parfait
Dehlecatison (delicatessen mispelt)
Bruce Tits (bruise tits)
Columbus discovered the potato
Couldn’t go to TGI Fridays because it was a Tuesday
Barrack Obama is the vice president for Joe Biden and Kamala Harris was the First Lady.
Ethnic cleansing in dartford (means darfur)
Flour to make your hands grippy (flour in the gym)
Nikki (Nike)
You can smell hot water.
Pair of stairs
Do you ever get an idea so good you feel it in your balls.
Trelli (trellis)
The rat from ratatouille is called ratatouille
I can feel it in my bones I’m going to get cancer. Not bone cancer though.
No such thing as blood cancer
Told kids that a growth on a tree means it has cancer.
My arsehole only relaxes on porcelain (shit arse)
Jackie Chan (means Jackie brown)
Karate kid was Bruce Lee
I’ve got a small cock and a lot of pubes
Thermidor means theremin
David Bowies voice is mediocre at best and Jessica Lange is better
Cupajoe (pronounced cup-are-geout)
Hibiscus/probiscus
Deaf as a doorbell
Sometimes I get annoyed about how small it is talking about his cock
Single car citizen (second class citizen)
Tokyo is in China
Ralph matcheo means Ralph macchio
Ralph macchio is brownish
Id like to know where you got the lotion - rock the boat
Sean Connery is black
John Wilkes booth assassinated John Lennon
I’ve stuck a fork in a toaster numerous times.
Didn’t you think I had AIDS once
There’s nothing I like more than strangers children
Thetford toilet (means cassette toilet)
Appleteef means apéritif
A one-armed bandit is a cowboy
Pegging a dead horse
Terpin a small turtle
The only difference between a house and a hotel room is a house has stairs
My penis would like to see your little boy
Everyone was black before seratonin
Tried to shave 2026 in his chest hair. Did it in the mirror and forgot to shave it flipped. Had dsos written on his chest for a month.
Sequences (means sequins)
I like a little poof
On a spunk (meant on a squank)